Tuesday, 18 May 2010

I Don't Beleive

I don’t believe in god.

I do like the idea of religion; i respect and admire those who have it as part of their lives. I would love to raise my children in the community that church can bring, raising them to turn to god in there darkest times. Unfortunately it is not that easy, i cannot make myself feel something i don’t.

If there was a god he would not let the world be full of such pain and sorrow. I don’t care what you say; everything does NOT happen for a reason.

3 year olds don’t die.

3 year olds don’t spend half their life fighting a deadly disease only for it to come back again.

3 years old don’t die before seeing their 4th year or the long summer days turning into autumn once more.

Mothers should not watch their children waste away, 7 year olds should not deal with the upcoming death of a sibling.

I don’t believe, i cannot believe.

This 3 year old is a few weeks older than Eilidh, he went to nursery with my girls. He was better and alive and he was going to LIVE HIS LIFE.

Cancer never leaves, it just hides and when we are least expecting it - it comes back.

These parents are counting down the last days of their sons lives; he cannot walk or talk anymore. He is no longer 3 but frozen in time, he will not grow or change .He will not fall in love or become a parent. He will never attend school or play outside alone.

How is any of this fair?


  1. That is so heartbreaking...my heart goes out to you and to the family & all friends dealing with this.

    I don't know if you're really wanting answers for your questions or if they were mostly rhetorical, so I'll leave them be. But I do have beliefs & thoughts that help me deal with our situation with Emma. They are beliefs that I sincerely believe, and for me, they do help explain situations like this & like Emma's. Though you'd probably think I was insane if I explained it all to you...

    Hang in there, girl. That is so heartbreaking.


  2. Oh Laura, this is so terribly sad. I cannot imagine the grief, don't want to imagine it. I hope for peace and love and some remaining joy in the days they have left. And I hope time will somehow bring healing and comfort.

  3. That is heartbreaking. It is so hard to hear about young children being ill never mind this. You wish you could take it all away from them. I can understand why you can't believe in God, surely if there was one, why would they let this happen.

    My heart goes out to everyone who knows this little boy.


    Susan x

  4. Laura... I have nothing to say but Love and Hugs to you and the family and friends that are coping with this. Hugs Beverly

  5. That's the same reasoning I have too. How can there be a God if so many good people suffer, while the bad ones get away with it all? It's just not fair.
    Loads of love to you and yours, the little boy and his family. xx

  6. Laura-I cannot even imagine. When I start to complain or whine-my hubby used to tell me to take a walk to the childrens hopsital in philadelphia and then I would not feel so sad anymore. I feel the same-how can there be a God who allows babies and kids to suffer. My heart goes out to them.

  7. I have a hard time believing too. Innocent babies should never have to die.