My Escape

This week’s workshop was a do-it –yourself affair with a selection of words given which were to be turned into a prompt.

I used the word Escape and my prompt for this week “How do you escape? What takes you away from it all and lets you be you? “

I could choose the obvious answer for this, i love reading and my biggest pleasure in life is a hot bath and a good book and this has been the biggest escape for me for years. I go in and lock the door and can spend hours sometimes in my child free land.

The past maybe 18 months or so, i have developed another way to escape it all and that is computer games. Im not talking your big wow type games but your simple causal games. My favourites are anything in the Build-A-Lot or Farm Frenzy series but i have many others i enjoy , just now i am replaying Cake Mania 4 (i would of wrote this post an hour ago if i could stop playing that long) .

These games provide the perfect distractions from life and in these games i can achieve what i only dream about in real life (and no im not talking about building a farm or become a rental tycoon) but im talking about perfection. Im good at these games, i am methodical and don’t give up. A game to me is not completed till every level is done and i have achieved the highest award or score, if the game offers awards then i must have them all. I play a game obsessively and in most case complete in a few days. I start, i win, it’s over ...Life is simple in these games and follow rules. I am in control and no one can beat me.

In real life i have 3 young children, nothing is predictable and perfection is just laughable. Im never completely in control, the children sometimes run riot.

In these games i am god. What i want to happen, happens and if something goes wrong i can do it over.

It’s the perfect Escape from life...

Friendship

It is week 13 of The Gallery and this week was a nice and easy one, Tara asked for pictures of Friendship .

I could of chose many things for this topic , the relationship between my children is amazing and the obvious one to choose. I could choose my sister and i and even my parents . But there was only one friendship i really wanted to portray and that is the friendship between my 3 favorite girls.
Courtney (my niece) - Rebecca - Eilidh.
Courtney is now 7 and still an only child , she lives just a few minutes away and her and my daughters are the best of friends. I know my girls love there cousin and love her being around and im pretty sure Courtney feels the same. The may be family and all drawn together by blood but i like to think they all like each other to .

(And i also realised i have very little pictures of just the 3 of them, need to work on that )

Alone

Im lonely.


It’s been over 3 weeks since my husband went away, 3 long and lonely weeks.

The children are fine and i have discovered i can cope perfectly well with all 3 alone. We are keeping busy and the kids are distracted by the new kitty. From 6am to 6pm things are fine, once the kids are in bed i get sad.

I hate the freedom, i miss having someone to talk to. I miss having hubby come home and telling him everything the kids done that day. I miss having someone tell me i cannot go to bed yet as it is only 7 o’clock and i miss having a reason to keep the place clean.

I am becoming lazy; i am tired all the time. I cannot face anything, i don’t want to blog or tweet. I don’t want to do anything other than sleep the days away. Every day that ends means him coming home is closer.
I want him back, i want to be fighting with him and getting annoyed with his mess or not getting out of bed. I was cuddles and i want to watch Lost darn it.

I know i am lucky, i have something special with my husband and being away from him is not natural. But he will be back, life will become normal again .

I will just be lonely in the mean time.

I Don't Beleive

I don’t believe in god.

I do like the idea of religion; i respect and admire those who have it as part of their lives. I would love to raise my children in the community that church can bring, raising them to turn to god in there darkest times. Unfortunately it is not that easy, i cannot make myself feel something i don’t.

If there was a god he would not let the world be full of such pain and sorrow. I don’t care what you say; everything does NOT happen for a reason.

3 year olds don’t die.

3 year olds don’t spend half their life fighting a deadly disease only for it to come back again.

3 years old don’t die before seeing their 4th year or the long summer days turning into autumn once more.

Mothers should not watch their children waste away, 7 year olds should not deal with the upcoming death of a sibling.

I don’t believe, i cannot believe.

This 3 year old is a few weeks older than Eilidh, he went to nursery with my girls. He was better and alive and he was going to LIVE HIS LIFE.

Cancer never leaves, it just hides and when we are least expecting it - it comes back.

These parents are counting down the last days of their sons lives; he cannot walk or talk anymore. He is no longer 3 but frozen in time, he will not grow or change .He will not fall in love or become a parent. He will never attend school or play outside alone.

How is any of this fair?

The Me

Week 12 of the gallery and it promises to be a toughy , this week Tara is asking for Self Potraits . Which means you are going to see nothing but me this week .

I would love to share some of me as a child but don't have any on the computer so all are more recent.

You have me pre kids , young and skinny




Me as a bride



Me as a mother to be



Me as a mother



And just me, sitting at my computer drinking tea and enjoying my afternoon off.

Official England World Cup Cake

It is a little known fact that anything you receive in the post to eat is calorie free, so when i was offered a cake to review i jumped at the change. A whole calorie free cake for me, what could be better.

Ironically being Scottish is was the Official England World Cup Cake. It is priced £6.99 and baked in a moist Genoese sponge, it’s covered in sugar paste icing and a plaque decoration featuring Steven Gerrard, Rio Ferdinand, Wayne Rooney, Peter Crouch, Frank Lampard and Fabio Capello, who are all edible.

It is made by Midlands’s bakers and desserts specialist Elisabeth the Chef, ideal for summer BBQs, football and birthday parties or just for a treat while watching the cup. It is available to buy from Tesco and Morissons.

Now you know all that i am sure you want to hear the important stuff. How did it taste?

It was yummy, gobbled up by myself and the children in an afternoon. It was light and tasty and the icing was thick and perfect (although the kids did not agree and left most of it). Overall i think it was a delicious treat and would recommend it for those non Scottish football fans.

I would share pictures but it was gone before i could even think about getting my camera out.
(Disclaimer – cake not really calorie free unfortunately)

Stood Up

Happy birthday this week to Sleep is for the Weak, i look forward to seeing what toddlerhood brings to the blog.

This week i have chosen prompt 2 - Have you ever been stood up?

I only remember being stood up once.

I was 15 at the time and i had just started seeing a new guy, we will call him Jack. Jack was a lovely guy, he was cute and funny and i really liked him. Even better he liked me, we were a perfect couple. Problem was he was 21 and much too old for me, my parents had forbidden the relationship but like any good teenager i ignored them and continued on seeing him.

Jack no longer lived at home, at 15 when all your friends’ boyfriends were not even legal to buy cigarettes this was a BIG thing. He was a lodger in a house, the couple who owned it being friends. We had only been together a few weeks when he invited me down for the evening , i got all dolled up and went to meet him of course making some excuse to my parents about where i was really going. I think i said i was babysitting with a friend which meant i could stay out later than normal.

I got the bus there; we had arranged to meet near his house as i did not know where i was going. Looking back it was silly of me to agree to meet him there, it was a Saturday night and the place was full of drunken teens and i was all by myself. I got there early and waited, and i waited and i waited. Hours passed, i tried to phone him but got no answer. I was lost, scared and very upset. I convinced myself it was all a big game and was so embarrassed that i had made a big deal over it.

I waited till 8 o’clock, this was almost 2 hours after we had meant to meet. I got the bus home, trying not to cry.

I arrived home going straight to my room to sulk. Only a couple of minute passed when my mum called me saying i had a phone call. It was of course Jack, he was all apologetic saying he had fell asleep and did not hear the phone .Was it the truth? At the time i believed him 100%.

I made up some excuse to my mum, i think i said the babysitting had been cancelled but was now on again and went back out to meet him. This time he was thankfully there and we spent a lovely evening getting to know each other.

The relationship only lasted a few months, at one point i was convinced he was the one and he even gave me his grandmothers ring. We said we were engaged to be engaged and he talked about on my 16 birthday we would go and meet his mum (she lived in England i think) and he would give me a real ring. It was never going to work though, he enjoyed going to the pub with his friends whereas i still enjoyed sitting with friends in the local parks drinking cheap cider. I was just too young and he was to old, but it was fun while it lasted (accept that cold night standing around for two hours lol)

Men

This weeks gallery theme is MEN , finally a nice and easy one :)

I have 3 very important men in my life , my first is my dad

He is a wonderful father and an amazing Papa , the kids all adore him. Here he is with a newborn Ru , with 2 daughters and 3 granddaughters he was completely thrilled to finally have another boy in the family. The have had a special bond since the beginning.

Next is my wonderful husband who is currently missing us all while working in France. Here he is with a new born Rebecca , im always struck by how young he looks in these shots . Daddy and daughter were already the best of friends here and she was not even out of intensive care.

Lastly is my little man , this picture makes my breath catch because he does not look so little anymore. He is big , happy and confident .

Each of these 3 men have my heart and im so blessed to have them in my life

Baby Substitute

If i cannot have a baby i can at least have a kitten . I mean 3 kids under 5 and a husband working overseas is not enough to keep me busy you know :) .

This is Dora , she is 7 weeks old and for the moment adored by all . Normally service resumes tomorrow but for today we are spending it giving kitty some love

The World Around Us

Week 10 of the gallery (week 2 for me) and the prompt was "paint a picture of the world we live in" . Gosh these are hard , i searched through my entire photo achieve and im still not sure im getting it 100% . I wish i had taken my camera out with my today and taken pictures with my son but i want to get this up .

I love visiting different countries , there is a whole world out there ready to be explored and its looks like we are going to get to see a little part of Europe this year as a family .For now i look at my parents who like to jet of some where exotic and different every September .



(My dad taken a camel ride in Egypt .)

But you don't always have to go overseas to get something amazing and different , my own home is known for being beautiful and so rich in amazing history.




(Inverness 2005)

And then in my home town im lucky to have some lovely places , parks and places the children can go and play . They can run around and have experiences that will last a life time



(Calderglen Park 2009)

In The Beginning Part 1

I met my husband when we were 17.

We worked together in a restaurant, we were friends and i do remember enjoying working with him but it never moved beyond that. It was not till we had both left that job that things moved forward.

Even then we did not have the best of starts, a good friend of mine was getting friendly with Craig (in a 100% non romantic way) and we started spending time together either at his place or going out to clubs. Our relationship was flirty and fun and it was on one of these nights out we shared our first kiss. It would have been perfect if he was not in a relationship, in fact the night we first kissed his girlfriend was out with us and in another room.  I will always feel guilt over that, that is not something either Craig or i would normally do. His girlfriend was lovely and thankfully forgave me, now 10 years later we will talk now and then.

Not long after that night Craig was single and we were free to be together but of course things are never that simple. For months we had a strange relationship, we were not together but enjoyed spending time together. I know it was me holding back, i did not want to be in a relationship. I was due to go to Canada in the August for who knows how long and i could not miss that opportunity for anything. I told anyone who would listen that i liked him but did not *like* him, problem was even saying his name made my stomach all fluttery and i was falling for him. We had fun drunken nights out and in and come the August i went to Canada and we said our goodbyes and promised to keep in touch.

We did not talk for another year.

I came back from Canada the beginning of 2003, my niece was just a baby and i wanted to be part of her life. I got a job and a life, even dated a lovely guy for a few months but it was never going to work out (i really liked him but could not get beyond that) and spent way too much time babysitting for my sister. One night i took Courtney a walk, she was a fussy baby and long walks helped calm her down. I got home to be told Craig had stopped by, he had heard i was back and wanted to say hello. He had left me his mobile number to call.

I was shocked and very happy, i went to text him straight away but of course my sister could not find his number. I figured that was that but he stopped by again, of course when i was out with my niece and left his number which again got lost. Fate seemed to be telling me something it seemed.

This time though i went through my old email addresses and managed to find an email for him so i sent an email. As Craig later told me it was an account he did not use any longer and it was just a co-incidence that he did receive it.

We met up again and had some lovely nights out, we texted and emailed alot. This time it was different though, you see there was nothing other than friendship between us ...the “thing” between us was no longer there.

Of course that was total bull shit and before you know it we were married with kids. If you want to know how things moved on then tune in tomorrow for part 2.