Paths

This is my first time taken part in the workshop from Josie , looking through the prompts i choose prompt number one which asks

1. What life path did you take a few steps down only to realise it wasn’t for you and come running back? Why did you decide not to continue?


I have not been one of these lucky ones who were born knowing what i wanted to do. I have at times wanted to be a Doctor, a Lawyer, a Journalist, a Teacher and remember looking into the police force a few years back. Then there was accountancy which i enjoyed and that was that i was going to be an Accountant. As with everything else though it was not really for me, while i could do the job it was boring and i lacked any passion for it.

Almost 5 years ago i found the perfect career and that was motherhood, the role fit me and fulfilled my life like nothing ever had before. If i could choose this is how i would spend the next 20 years, i would have more children and get to spend the years with them all. This is not possible though with no more children in our future so i had to think about me. Just what was i going to do with the rest of my life?

The answer had been floating around my mind since i first got pregnant with Rebecca – Midwifery. With my passion for all things pregnancy and birth related then i would be perfect. I finally accepted what i wanted to do and threw myself into preparation for applying to universities. I signed up for an Access to Midwifery course at home, joined message boards and other communities. I even applied for deferred entry 2011.

Almost a year down the line my mind is not so made up , i know the path i have to follow in life will involve birthing , pregnancy and hopefully breastfeeding but i no longer know if midwifery is for me. It seem to be its a profession that is fraught with difficulties and hardship , Midwifes are no longer able to enjoy the job as they have so many rules and regulations to follow. University places are difficult to get into, 3 years of incredible hard work must follow and at the end many are left unemployed. I almost feel i am too passionate about it, i just care too much.

I love natural birth, i love breastfeeding and baby wearing and co-sleeping. I don’t want to deal with inductions or bottle feeding , i don’t want to work in a clinical hospital environment where if i said what i really feel i would be out of a job. I guess what i want to be is an Independent Midwife but can i face the 3 years at university first?

So where do i go from here? For the moment im going nowhere, im applying to Association of Breastfeeding Mothers to become a Mother Supporter. Im going to do a couple of health related Open University courses and im hoping to train to become a Doula towards the end of the year. Midwifery will wait at the moment, im not sure if im permanently putting it on hold or just need some time to come to terms with the bad aspects of the job.